From Suffering to Peace Read online

  And there is nothing like teaching to really get to know and understand a subject. For the past twenty years I have had the good fortune to teach mindfulness practices in Buddhist meditation retreat centers around the world. However, I soon realized there were many people who would never step foot inside, nor seek out, a traditional meditation venue. The need for a bridge between the ancient discipline of mindfulness and contemporary culture was clear. So in 2004, I founded the Mindfulness Institute as a way to reach those people and offer programs in an array of settings, weaving neuroscience and emotional intelligence into mindfulness-based courses.

  With that intention, I have had the pleasure to lead a wide variety of mindfulness programs, and to see their effectiveness, in places as diverse as the UN in Africa, at tech companies like Google in Silicon Valley, in traditional businesses like Ford Motors, and with nonprofits like the Nature Conservancy. It has been equally illuminating to teach mindfulness in hospitals, universities, and prisons to psychologists, educators, doctors, and inmates and see just how impactful this practice can be for everyone, regardless of their circumstances. In response to our increasing tech-focused culture, I have also explored how meditation can be taught online, and so I created practices for apps that allow access to meditation digitally, including for the New York Times and many others. This is now quickly becoming the primary way for people to access meditation tools.

  Teaching in this way has given me a distinct vantage point to see the significant impacts of mindfulness in society. I have had the good fortune to have a front-row seat in this grand social experiment, to see how people from all walks of life, from engineers in Silicon Valley to aid workers in Senegal, have found genuine personal transformation through learning meditation and engaging in mindfulness practice.

  This book is a continuation of this exploration. In it, I return to the foundational principles of mindfulness while aiming to help you understand this transformative practice within our contemporary context. By outlining the full scope of mindfulness, I place it within its traditional framework, a complete path that leads from suffering to freedom, from reactivity to peace. While I draw on the wealth of mindfulness teachings and practices from the ancient Buddhist tradition, my goal is to present this rich body of work — much of it developed by monastics living in a feudal, agrarian culture as far back as 500 BC — in ways that are relevant and accessible to twenty-first-century life. I seek to both honor this rich and vast tradition and adapt these practices to the needs and demands of our own era.

  Throughout this book, I trust you will discover how mindfulness is so much more than simply “focus” or attention, which is how it is often mistakenly described. Mindfulness refers to the depth of awareness we bring to our whole life, and in so doing we transform ourselves and the way we live in the world. Mindfulness supports us to live an intentional, meaningful life with presence, insight, and compassion. It is an extraordinary voyage, and I welcome you to take this journey with me as we explore the beautiful path of mindfulness together.

  Introduction

  Understanding Mindfulness

  When I started meditating, I was a troubled young man. I was a punk rocker, had a white mohawk, and reveled in both the antiestablishment grit of that anarchic scene as well as the wild music. I was living and going to college in East London and was active in the lively squatting movement that helped people occupy the plethora of empty and abandoned state-owned houses. I had a lot of anger inside about the inequality created by capitalism, and I raged against England’s oppressive class system. The rundown, working-class neighborhoods where I lived further entrenched my frustration. That was my outer struggle. Inwardly, I fared no better. I also turned my anger toward myself. I had a wicked inner critic; I was plagued with self-judgment and a lot of self-hatred. Looking back, I can see that angry young man was both deeply unhappy and confused about the source of his own suffering.

  One day, the ceiling collapsed in the old Victorian house where I was squatting, leaving decades of dirt, dust, and debris strewn across our living room and kitchen. My stoned housemates didn’t seem to care, which didn’t help matters. In that moment, something snapped. Deep inside, I intuited there had to be a better way, a way not just to cope with the inner and outer challenges of life but also to flourish. The pain inside compelled me to look for answers. I quickly realized that my political interests in anarchy and socialism would not address my inner struggles. So I started to read any spiritual books I could get my hands on. I frequented second-hand bookstores for works on Kabbalah, mysticism, Christianity, and more, but I was stumbling along in the dark without a light to guide me.

  As luck would have it, I ended up squatting in a Buddhist housing association property. Rather than evict me, they kindly suggested I take my confused self to their meditation center just around the corner in Bethnal Green in London’s East End. Perhaps they hoped I would sort my head out there. I had no idea then that I was going to find keys that would help unlock secrets for working with the pain I was busy running from. It’s not that meditation practice removed my sadness, anger, and confusion. At least, not immediately. It just gave me a lens and some tools for working with them. These tools were literally lifesaving, and they are skills that have served me well ever since.

  As I learned then, we all can, through the practice of mindfulness, access the jewel of awareness, which can positively impact our well-being. This happens by becoming more aware of, and disengaging from, negative patterns of thinking and cycles of blame and reactivity, which just compound our distress. Through mindfulness, we can discern which choices and behaviors are skillful in any given moment and which just deepen stress and suffering.

  Of course, back then, I was just taking baby steps in learning how to live well. But ever since that time thirty-five years ago, I have been studying and integrating these practices and teachings on mindfulness. This path has allowed me to find clarity, wisdom, and some peace in the midst of whatever I am going through, even with challenging emotions and stressful life circumstances. And with practice, anyone can do the same.

  These are just a few of the fruits of mindfulness practice. Many other beautiful qualities can arise through cultivating attention, like calm, joy, and spaciousness, although ultimately, the goal of mindfulness isn’t to feel or be any particular way. Rather, we develop a clear awareness, which provides insight about ourselves and reality. This not only supports a deep inner freedom but allows us to respond more wisely and compassionately to whatever life presents. My hope is that this book shares some of the important lessons I have learned along the way that will support you in your own journey.

  So, What Is Mindfulness?

  Ask ten meditation teachers “What is mindfulness?” and you may get ten different responses. The conversation about this complex and subtle theme is not new. Debates over this topic have occurred for centuries, across cultures, and within contemplative traditions. How would you answer that question?

  When I ask students in my classes and retreats “What is mindfulness?” I hear a wide variety of responses. Some are more accurate than others, but often they reflect enduring misunderstandings about what it really is. People will say that it means “paying attention” or “being calm and focused.” Or they remark that it’s “thinking clearly about things,” or “being free from thoughts.” Others say it’s about “letting go.” All these answers contain kernels of truth, but none capture the essence and breadth of this quality. Hearing the many ways it is either misconstrued or its depth misunderstood inspired me to write about it.

  Simply stated, mindfulness is clear awareness. It is the clear knowing of experience, a nonreactive, noninterfering quality of attention. But it is also much more than that. Having studied and cultivated mindfulness as a practice and a way of life for most of my adult life, I have seen firsthand what a multifaceted jewel it really is. It can impact every arena and every moment of our lives. Exploring the many dimensions of mindfulness, both in theory and in pract
ice, is what this book is all about.

  The word mindfulness is an odd word in itself, as it sounds like one’s mind must be full of something. It was originally used by scholars in the eighteenth century to translate the Indian Pali word sati, which literally means “recollection” or “remembering,” to mentally take note of an experience. In this context, one could say mindfulness is the conscious knowing of experience, to fully cognize something, which allows for recollection. For example, if you are not present to reading this book right now, how will you fully take note of and remember what you have read? Sati also refers to bearing something in mind. For instance, we bear in mind our breath when meditating, or we bear in mind our footsteps when walking along a rocky path.

  The idea of being present is not something that is foreign to our experience. Even the name of our species, Homo sapiens, refers to being wise or being aware, to knowing that we know. In that way, mindfulness returns us to our birthright, or at least to our potential, to this innate quality of wise knowing. And it is through developing clear awareness of our moment-to-moment experience that we begin to cultivate wisdom and discernment. That is particularly true when we do so with a curious, reflective attention. A more complete definition that I like to use is that mindfulness is an awareness of our inner and outer experience with an attitude of curiosity and care, in order to develop wisdom and understanding. Caring attention, as I will discuss throughout, is necessary for being able to stay present for even the most difficult experience.

  In this era when mindfulness has become popularized and perhaps its depth or scope diminished, it is important to reflect on why it can be so impactful in our lives. It isn’t just “paying attention.” It’s the ability to know what is happening without our normal reactions, commentary, and judgment. It is the capacity to meet experience without trying to fix, change, or control it. To capture this characteristic, some refer to mindfulness as “bare attention.” That is, it is the awareness of experience without the smoke screen of concepts, labels, and thoughts that can occlude our immediate perception.

  To demonstrate this, try this simple mindfulness exercise: Hold up one of your hands, and for a few moments, simply look at your hand and become aware of all its aspects. Get to know your hand as if for the first time. For example, feel your hand’s weight, its heaviness or lightness. Observe its size and shape, the colors, lines, contours, and veins. Feel the skin’s texture and temperature. Does it have a smell? Can you feel it from the inside, noticing the muscles and bones, the pulse of blood and tingling of energy?

  As you do this, notice if critical thoughts or reactions arise. For example, do you start to judge if your fingernails aren’t clean, or how old and wrinkled the skin may look? If so, simply recognize these thoughts and return to just being present and observing your hand in a neutral way. Continue doing this for a few minutes, and be aware of whether you can remain in this simple observational mode or if judgments, associations, and reactions distract you from simply attending.

  Mindfulness allows us to know the immediacy of experience directly as it is, along with an awareness of how we react to that experience. It allows an intimacy of attention that provides a deeper perception, one that goes beyond our initial concepts and opinions about an event. Knowing the difference between having a clear awareness of something versus thinking and reacting to it is an important element of the practice.

  One reason mindfulness is hard to define is because it is not just a state of mind. It is also a way of cultivating awareness and a wide variety of attention training techniques. It is easily mistaken for the qualities that arise when we meditate, like calmness and focus. These qualities are simply some of the fruits of the practice. So understanding mindfulness is like getting to know the many facets of water, which has a variety of forms, properties, and expressions. To define water as simply fluid or wetness, to reduce it to ocean, ice, clouds, or rain, simplifies what it is and misses the scope of its potential. Similarly, to reduce mindfulness to simply attention or one of its related qualities misses its multifaceted nature.

  Mindfulness is a clear awareness of moment-to-moment experience. To cultivate this, we can engage in any number of meditative practices. The technique of observing your hand is just one small example. The meditation at the end of this introduction is another, and I present many more in later chapters: walking meditation, open awareness practice, body scan, and so on. As you read this book, I strongly suggest you explore these meditations. An ongoing mindfulness practice helps train your mind to become deeply attuned to what is happening right now. There are many diverse ways to formally practice mindfulness, and yet what unifies them is they all develop awareness.

  This can be done in any moment, anywhere. For example, right now, look out a window. Pay attention to whatever you see. Take in the whole panorama, and then focus on one particular thing: the leaves on a tree, a particular cloud, the bricks of a building, a telephone pole, the moon, and so on. Be aware of both what you are seeing and that you are seeing. And notice how you respond to what you observe. All this happens in a simple moment of mindfulness. And it’s trickier than it sounds, as you may notice. Moments of clear attention can quickly get lost within and beneath the many other thoughts, judgments, and distractions that arise.

  Mindfulness, as research shows, improves our focus, but it provides impacts that go beyond a concentrated attention. These practices, as I will explore, help develop beautiful related qualities like clarity, wisdom, patience, resilience, empathy, compassion, and equanimity. Practiced to its depth, mindfulness can help us live with ease amidst the turmoil of life and discover a genuine inner freedom. This is the true peace we are so often seeking. To help people realize this is one of my intentions for writing this book.

  The Benefits of Mindfulness

  Studies have shown that we spend much of the time on autopilot, going about our day without being very present. In a 2010 study at Harvard, psychologists concluded that our minds are thinking about something else, rather than being present to the task at hand, 47 percent of the time! That means, for almost half of our waking life, we are not really here. No wonder there is an explosion of interest in mindfulness practice, which helps counter such habits. In that distracted mode, we miss so much of the precious and important moments of life.

  We also mistakenly assume we see things as they are, but the truth is we usually don’t perceive clearly at all. We filter our experience with all kinds of bias, judgments, and preferences. We swim in a river of likes and dislikes, ceaselessly running after one shiny thing and rejecting other less-pleasing experiences. This creates a never-ending push-pull conflict with life that all too often leads to unnecessary stress.

  However, this doesn’t need to be the case. Through training in awareness, we can learn to observe both our experience and the often turbulent reactions we may have to it. Over time, this clarity enables us to be less driven by our knee-jerk impulses and thus make wiser choices in our lives. This freedom from reactivity is one of the potent outcomes of mindfulness practice. It is why the practice was originally taught and developed, as a way to break free from the painful reactive cycles we so often find ourselves in.

  For example, my client Jenny, by her own admission, worries a lot. She gets particularly anxious about her sixteen-year-old twin daughters, who are starting to date and go to parties. If they come home later at night than they promised, her mind whips into a frenzy of terror, imagining all kinds of catastrophic scenarios, fantasizing about terrible things that might happen to her beloved children. Yet she also knows that her daughters are street-smart, responsible kids who aren’t reckless and don’t use drugs. On nights when they return home late, what Jenny’s mind does with all of that conflicting data is the difference between her peace of mind and a mild panic attack. Through mindfulness practice, she has learned to recognize and not buy into the scary thoughts her mind creates, and she is therefore able to be more grounded and steady even in this anxiety-provoking situation.
/>   Another important facet of mindfulness is clear comprehension. This quality helps us discern not just what is happening in the present but what thoughts, speech, and actions are skillful or helpful and which result in pain or stress. With this clarity, we can learn to act in ways that support well-being and cease to engage in actions that cause unnecessary harm — in the same way we quickly drop a hot pan we pick up accidentally on the stove. We can’t always avoid pain, but we learn to hold on less and to not pursue things that cause unnecessary anguish.

  In this way mindfulness helps foster discernment and wisdom. The poet William Blake summed up this principle rather well when he wrote these oft-quoted words about how we skillfully or unskillfully relate to pleasure: “He who binds to himself a joy / Does the winged life destroy / He who kisses the joy as it flies / lives in eternity’s sunrise.” It is the clarity of awareness that reveals how our desire to hold and keep what brings us delight can be the very thing that causes us to experience pain and loss. Experience is ephemeral and always changing; all joys eventually fade. But we only multiply the hurt if, in folly, we grasp after pleasure. Rather, as Blake says, we can appreciate joy when it arrives, knowing its presence is fleeting.

  Such a light way of being with experience is a perfect example of what awareness makes possible. Without that clarity and wisdom, we so easily get caught in the pain of attachment. The reverse is also true. We sometimes despair when pain arrives, forgetting that it, too, is fleeting, and our reactivity to it only extends our distress. When Jenny imagines worst-case scenarios, this just compounds the anxiety of her daughters’ late return. By learning to simply be with her own unpleasant feelings, Jenny can save herself all manner of unnecessary woes.